Swimsuit Depression

Today’s Scripture:

Psalm 139:13-15 

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Am I the only one currently suffering from “swimsuit depression”?  That is a rhetorical question, because I know I am not alone in this love/hate relationship with summer these days.  I love summer for several reasons:  no school, warm days and nights, outdoor activities, going to the lake for fishing and swimming…ding,ding,ding…there is the problem right?  The problem is having to wear a swimsuit when you are heavier than you would like to be, and it just does not equal fun.  I have mentioned struggles with weight loss before, but winter weight is way easier to hide than in the summer!!! And going swimsuit shopping…on my top 5 worst things to do in life list!!!  I got a swimsuit catalog from Land’s End today in the mail, and it is just depressing.  I crack up at the idea that they have swimsuits that make you look a whole size smaller, but can you breathe when you have it on?  And all of the suits look amazing on the models, they are thin.  I want them to put a curvier woman in a suit in the catalog and see how much their swim mini skirt really hides.  My point is that it is hard to love yourself when you are reminded of your imperfections every time you look in the mirror and cellulite stares you back down!  I love me…as long as I have on fleece pj’s, or a snow suit! Not a swimsuit, even a modest one.  I’m not trying to look like a hottie in a two piece string bikini…a swim dress would be sufficient, or a one piece that had full coverage.  My body just does not want to go back to the way it was before Luke came along, much less before Lily came along…good thing they are worth it J 

Today’s scripture says I am fearfully and wonderfully made, as God made me perfect the way I am.  So why am I not happy with the way God has made me?  2 Corinthians 12:8-10 says, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, ’my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  And so, true enough, God’s grace is sufficient for me.  But I am human and weak…my difficulty is not comparing myself with others who are thinner or more in shape than I am…and I don’t like the “me” that looks back as I get older and as the weight doesn’t come off as it should.  Lord, help me to love the me I’ve become, and help me to become the healthy me I desire to be. Help me to be strong in this weakness of weigh loss. And know, it is not to impress others with my thinner self, but to feel more confident about who I am both inside and out!  And I think most of us women and Moms could use a little more self-confidence these days!

Oh, and by the way...I am still doing that dvd of Jillian Michaels...feeling stronger for sure...just not thinner yet!